you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
