I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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