Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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