I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
