Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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