I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
