You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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