she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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