My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
