His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
