He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
