dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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