i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
