Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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