Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
