I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
