at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
