Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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