I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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