Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She's the barista slut.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So much rum. So many feels.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
