I looked at my own cervix.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
