Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
