Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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