Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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