3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
