8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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