I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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