my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
