LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
