Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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