people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
