is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize