i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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