Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's always time for handjobs
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
