I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
