Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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