the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
