I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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