at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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