just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
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