i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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