do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
