lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
