I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
