My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
