he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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