"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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