i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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