How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
