Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
