Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
