I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize