Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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