i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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