this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize