guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we're making bets on your personal life
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
