Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
