WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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