found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
