I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
