I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
