i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
