Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
