His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
