Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
