how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
