He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
