guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
