I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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