Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
