you win again, gameday.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
