If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
