You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
