If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
