Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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