she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
