she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
