Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
