did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i came on her dog
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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