I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
