the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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