His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
