Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
