Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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