i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
