Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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