Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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