I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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