So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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