This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
