I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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