Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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