Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
