i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
