Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
