Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize